Draughts: on meeting new people

 

 

Chess is a game I wish I dedicated more time to learning beyond the rudiments of movement which I learned from the free version of chess pro on my first desktop computer. On the other hand, I spent some time playing draughts aka checkers with my friends after exams in secondary school.

Seun (who we popularly called Àgbè) was the best player in school and would beat us in rounds. Haha 😂. One of those afternoons, it felt like I was going to win, I had 2 kings and a 2 other tiles while he had 3 tiles and a king. For a moment, I excitedly boasted about winning and reveled in the idea of winning him for the first time.  Guess what? I lost 😡. 

One of the many lessons I learned from playing draughts was the willingness to concede a tile or even my king (in some cases) so that I can ultimately win the game. This lesson stuck and today, it’s one that I use in my dealings with people especially when meeting new people. 

For someone with some level of social anxiety, connecting with people always feel like a herculean task— requiring a lot of mental gymnastics in identifying a common ground for the initial conversation.
 

As I grew old, I found a hack — understanding that people are trying to find solutions to their most urgent problems and they will judge the value of our relationship from the lenses of the the problems and identified solution.

Side note:

I’m not sure if this is just a “me-thing” or it’s a common occurrence [please let me know] but I love to approach life through a mental model/logic. For friendship and meeting people, I use draughts.

I meet new people with the readiness to sacrifice (my tiles/king) in whatever way so that we can connect. This is based on a simple logic that everyone wants some level of kindness and would connect with the source of the kindness they experience (however momentarily). The first level of connection helps me to assess the value systems, ideals and other factors to determine if the connection can become an actual friendship or not. 

Like in most games, there are three options: win, lose, draw/tie. When I win, the connection is established and we become friends; I lose when the connection can not be established; and we tie when we can’t move beyond the initial connection. When meeting new people, I love the win or lose scenario but I do not enjoy the tie scenario because I’d rather not make any effort in the first place.

I’m grateful for the friends I’ve made over the years because we are able to build genuine connections that have been central to our growth and success over the past decade. 

 
I’m curious to learn about how you connect with others and how you choose to make them friends. 

 
God loves you!